Shit. Relapse.

I don't swear. Till today.
Shit is all I want to say.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Doesn't help. Never did.
Visiting my man-son for the weekend; graduated, employed and doing seemingly great in a new career.
My worst fears were confirmed after spending two days with him ...
Scattered
Insatiable appetite
Sleeping half the day
Carrying a back pack for a simple walk (he probably didn't know how long we would be)
Long bathroom breaks
Simple decisions: hard
Not the same

God help him.
God help me.

I feel stronger, ironically enough.
But I think the wall will cave when I get home from the airport and security checkpoints.
Yes, in the bedroom I will cave.

Cry in the arms of my husband.
Cry in an empty house.
Cry
Cry and pray.
God, are you listening?