Monday, October 5, 2015

Shit. Relapse.

I don't swear. Till today.
Shit is all I want to say.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Doesn't help. Never did.
Visiting my man-son for the weekend; graduated, employed and doing seemingly great in a new career.
My worst fears were confirmed after spending two days with him ...
Insatiable appetite
Sleeping half the day
Carrying a back pack for a simple walk (he probably didn't know how long we would be)
Long bathroom breaks
Simple decisions: hard
Not the same

God help him.
God help me.

I feel stronger, ironically enough.
But I think the wall will cave when I get home from the airport and security checkpoints.
Yes, in the bedroom I will cave.

Cry in the arms of my husband.
Cry in an empty house.
Cry and pray.
God, are you listening?


  1. I'm so horribly sorry. The pain is so sharp,.....I have no healing words other than I will pray for him and you.

  2. Oh I am so sorry. It is truly their journey to travel.....and we have ours. The pain sometimes is unfathomable though. Again, I am so very sorry.

  3. There are no real words of comfort when you see this but shit seems to be the most appropriate.

  4. Agony at all levels. Almost worst thing a mother can feel. I think about you every day. Beth