Monday, October 5, 2015

Shit. Relapse.

I don't swear. Till today.
Shit is all I want to say.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Doesn't help. Never did.
Visiting my man-son for the weekend; graduated, employed and doing seemingly great in a new career.
My worst fears were confirmed after spending two days with him ...
Scattered
Insatiable appetite
Sleeping half the day
Carrying a back pack for a simple walk (he probably didn't know how long we would be)
Long bathroom breaks
Simple decisions: hard
Not the same

God help him.
God help me.

I feel stronger, ironically enough.
But I think the wall will cave when I get home from the airport and security checkpoints.
Yes, in the bedroom I will cave.

Cry in the arms of my husband.
Cry in an empty house.
Cry
Cry and pray.
God, are you listening?



4 comments:

  1. I'm so horribly sorry. The pain is so sharp,.....I have no healing words other than I will pray for him and you.

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  2. Oh I am so sorry. It is truly their journey to travel.....and we have ours. The pain sometimes is unfathomable though. Again, I am so very sorry.

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  3. There are no real words of comfort when you see this but shit seems to be the most appropriate.

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  4. Agony at all levels. Almost worst thing a mother can feel. I think about you every day. Beth

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