It has been 60 days since my son has entered rehab and 3 weeks since my last visit.
That last one was not so fun, to put it mildly.
I always thought of visiting someone as a positive, fun thing.
Hmmm, not so much when the visiting place is a rehab center.
Today I am taking a step: visiting again.
This time, Daniel has earned a pass - a 24-hour pass - which means I can bring him to the beach. It's our annual vacation week here at our family beach home. My husband and my parents are also here. I'm hopeful this combination of loved ones will enable our visit to be light and enjoyable. I've had my fill of heavy and emotional. We are all due for some neutral, even boring, time together.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I will let you know how it goes.
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I know you didn't ask for advice and I probably ought to keep my mouth shut but.....been there done that.
ReplyDeleteThings I learned from our experience:
This is your vacation, not the time you must keep him entertained.
He is responsibile for his behavior and his sobriety.
Talk about his issue only if he brings it up.
Get up in the morning. Crashing all day and staying up till wee hours is not acceptable.
He makes his bed and cleans up after himself, you are not maid and mom.
Conversation involves more than head shakes and grunts.
You will exhibit the manners you were raised with, ladies first, please, thank you and meals will be eaten not shoveled.
As you probably guessed our vacation with our son was ugly because we did not set these expectations. We just thought he'd be "normal" I'd make sure you let him know your rules/expected behavior before you even leave the parking lot so if he has a problem he can go back into the facility. Just my unsolicited $.02
I think perhaps it is best not to expect the worse. Allow this time for family and not dwell on the past or the rehab situation. Our children are still confused about the recovery path they are on. They may feel uncomfortable but if the environment gives them hope, love and forgiveness you may find the peace and serenity you are seeking for this time together.
ReplyDeleteOf course, if his words/actions begin to cross acceptable boundaries then "Dad and Mom" plan is a viable option or simply take him back to rehab.