Thursday, May 27, 2010

Back to work today and feeling well.
Amazing how much a workout helps my mental state.
I was breathless in spin class since I had missed a week, but definitely worth it.
I'm also enjoying that my son (now in rehab) is someone else's priority. I don't have to worry when the phone rings. Knowing he's in a controlled environment is peaceful. But I read the blogs of other mom's of addicts and my heart is fearful of hoping this will work.
How do I balance my faith and hope with the reality of the statistics that seem to scream at me?
I don’t know how to pray any more.
My quiet time is quiet.


  1. Thank you for post on my blog. I wish I had words to some how heal the pain that we all feel as parents of addicts. As it was recently said to me, I say to you...I'm sorry to welcome you to this blog community, but I believe that here you will find support, understanding, stregth, love and hope. This is such a wonderful group of people who understand what we are going through. You are not alone. Keep writing, it helps somehow. I will keep you and your son in my prayers and if you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me anytime! Try to hang in there and keep praying and writing.

  2. I know exactly how that feels! I was so peaceful when my son was in jail and/or rehab. I had hope. But then I read other blogs and saw the same thing over and over: relapse, relapse, relapse. BUT, don't lose hope! My son is struggling but has nine months clean after 90 days in rehab. Sometimes I worry that what I write on my blog will be more of a discouragement than an encouragement to others, but the bottom line is we have found a wonderful supportive community on these blogs and you are not part of are not alone. Writing truly does help most of us.

  3. I also hate to welcome you to our little blog club, but do so with open arms and can tell you without a doubt you will find love, understanding and a TON of support here. My son is also in rehab headed for sober living on Monday. The reality is every addict is different in their recovery process as is every family member. There is nothing as mothers we can do to prepare ourselves for any relapses, but we can simply stay in the moment and try to enjoy the peace we have right now. I just pray for the willingness now to stay out of my son's way. He has his own path to follow and when I don't try to rescue him, it allows him the dignity to do it on his own. If you are willing and open to it, I would suggest a local support group such as Alanon and/or counseling as well. I never wanted to go to any 12 step meeting, didn't feel it was for me, but I kind of hit a bottom with my codepenedncy, and after my counselor suggested to me numerous times, I went, it has helped. I am here for you anytime, feel free to email me. I will keep you and your son in my prayers along with the rest of my blog family. (((HUGS)))

  4. Your posts bring up so many emotions and memories and resonate with me. I have been on this journey since my daughter was 15 ( she is now 20) although I didn't know it was drugs until she was 17. ( Denial). I stopped praying for a very long time. Now, I pray for God to let my child find her path that God intends for her. Addiction is so painful on everyone, but it has gotten better. Just know you are not alone and many of us do understand. Take Care and keep posting.

  5. It was said to me at my daughter's first rehab that we were as sick as she was. And it was true. In many ways. Physically, we were ill from stress. Mentally and spiritually, we were ill from trying to fix her. And boy did we try.

    Your son is in a place where he is hearing about the tools he can use to work towards his own recovery. Even if he doesn't stay sober this time, the message is still getting into his head. There is no meeting, no rehab, etc, where the message isn't being given, and it is heard, even by those actively using and attending only because they are court ordered. There will come a day, when he will WANT recovery, and when he wants it more than ANYTHING ELSE, he will have the tools and the knowledge of how to use them.

    His road is his own. Your road is yours. The very best way we can mother our kids now, is to live a life that is full, joyful, taking care of ourselves, maintaining healthy boundaries for ourselves, and loving them in a healthy but detached way.... Our job, I think, is to be an example of what a full and healthy life can be. Our days of trying to come between our kids and their consequences are over. The long arm of Mom ain't long enough any more. But I personally feel that I can continue to "mother" by being the best person I can be. I try to encourage my daughter, and at times, enable her recovery, and I try very hard not to do her job for her. It is HER job to get out there and walk to her recovery. I can cheer and love and pray, but she has to do it. I'm rambling, sorry!

    Please know we care! Hugs and prayers!

  6. I hope that he will get the help he needs. Glad that you are taking care of yourself. I learned about your site through Barb's Recovery Happens blog.

  7. I really hate to welcome you to our club. Just keep writing and reading it has helped me immensely dealing with me son.

    The suffering is great with this disease but you are strong and we all will help you through it. You are not alone.

  8. None of signed up for this club when our kids were born. Now we share this bond suffering alongside our kids afflicted with addiction. The support here is strong and I am glad that you decided to write. You and your son are in my prayers. Please remember, we are here for you and for each other.

  9. I was going to leave a comment on here about what you wrote but your posting was so inspiring I wrote on my blog about your post along with a couple others. I put a link on my post to your posting so others can read your writing in full.


  10. Thank you, Everyone. Your compassionate words and help me in ways I never expected. I think I have discovered a key to maintaining my sanity, a treasure of friends. Thank you.