Many, many, many thanks to those of you who have commented on my posts. This blogging is new to me and I had no idea how much it would help to find other moms (and dads) with hearts that ache over their addicted sons and daughters. I am glad to find you and call you my new friends.
My sister checked in with me today. The fact is, I have many friends and family that are trying to offer support and encouragement. I am thankful for them too. This is what I told her:
The truth is, I am going one day at a time. Thankfully, I am not in depressed state constantly. I have times of high energy and happiness. But my thoughts are extremely preoccupied with my Danny-boy and the crisis we are in. My emotions are up and then crash down, sometime very low. Yesterday I had a great day. Then I had a short call from him and it triggered all kinds of fear. Fortunately, Michael (my husband and Daniel's stepfather) was there and we talked and I cried. It brought us closer. He is really walking with me through this hell, and I cannot imagine doing it alone.
So, some days I am great. And then I have moments (or days) when I'm not sure I want to live. Don't worry. I am not suicidal. I just don't want to live this life that has been forced upon me. I don't know what I am doing here.
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One day at a time is all anyone can do. I hope that you will look into a 12 step recovery program for you. It helped me so much.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are getting acquainted with an al-anon community. It helps some.
ReplyDelete"I just don't want to live this life that has been forced upon me. I don't know what I am doing here." Well said. I have said the same thing so many times! Its not fair! We didn't sign up for this when we had our kids!
ReplyDeleteYou seem like a strong, smart woman that is doing the right things. Keep writing.